Wednesday, May 31, 2006

2 Weeks in...

Well, as the title suggests, it has been 2 weeks since our move.
I chose tonight to write because I am feeling really weird and overwhelmed at the moment and I think this could be cathartic. The emotions and thoughts within me are muddled, confused, and at odds with each other.

For one, I like Manchester a lot. It's very nice and pretty much everything I could want is right here at my fingertips. The two weeks I have lived here (strictly in a location sense) have been significantly better than the whole of the time I spent in Columbia. It's simply a better place to live.

I may be getting a part time job soon. I'm glad about that, but a bit freaked out as well. You see, the last two weeks have been a weird sort of limbo. It's almost like I have been on this strange vacation. I haven't written anything, comics, blogs, whatever. All I've really done is unpack, read, and see what the area has to offer. In addition, I spent a weekend in Chicago and a Saturday/Sunday in Columbia. So I haven't really gotten the chance to see what life is really going to be like.

I know that I miss my friends. I worry that Brad will love Chicago and take on a job where he'll never have any free time. In other words, things will change irreversibly and not necessarily for the better. In a situation like that, it's virtually impossible not to grow apart and it's nobody's fault if that happens. At the end of the day, the things you have in common are picked off until the day arrives that you realize that you live on completely different planets.
I'm stuck between wanting the best for a great friend and the desire to have access to said friend. I'm trying to mature, but truth be told, I hope this summer goes horribly and that forces him to pursue something at least in the same galaxy.

That said, I am scared of my own life as well.
It is very likely that next year, I will have three books that see light. That is awesome and I really hope they all pan out. But that's a lot of pressure. I still feel so much like a kid. In fact, I looked at a copy of Ultimate X-Men tonight and thought how odd it was that Marvel put such a responsibility on a kid like Robert Kirkman. But he's NOT a kid. And I'm not either.
So forgive me my existential crisis. I have them more often than most people.
Doesn't seem to be much I can do about it.
My other career is freaking me out too. Recently, I decided to pursue a career as a psychologist. And that means more school. Like now.
Actually going to school seems like something I can handle. It's all of the paperwork and process that goes into getting there that kills me. Like in any job, I find the application process to be far harder than doing the actual job. I guess it involves a certain amount of organization and memory and filling in the blanks that I just can't do.
I really think that this is what is getting to me. It's way hot outside and the rain they keep promising never quite makes an appearance.
It's funny. You go so long doing the same thing and what you need is really a change. Something different to break the monotony.
And then that change comes and, as in cases such as the one I currently find myself in, you wish for some of the same. Just something to wrap my arms around and feel comfortable. Luckily, I have my wife and dogs, but I think they're feeling the same thing. That's right, even my dachshunds are existentially aware. If you don't believe me, look in their eyes. You'll see it.
Basically at this point, all I can do is look for these changes to be better than life was before. I don't promise that this will be the case, but I think it will. And on the days where I'm not so sure, I hope like all hell.

Now I just have to get my friends to move to St Louis...

God I'm a whiny bitch sometimes. I'm not always like this, I swear.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

A big ass weekend

Well here it is. The biggest ass weekend of them all.

Jennfier is graduating from law school on Sunday and we leave Columbia on Monday.
We've lived here for 4 years, which is the longest we've lived anywhere other than where we grew up. It's gonna be hard. It's also gonna be hard to leave friends.

Luckily, we WILL stay in touch. There's no question in my mind, but there is sort of the weight on our shoulders of starting again with a blank slate and it's weird.

I'm not quite sure what to think.
I'll just stay open and see what happens.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Group participation exercise

Alright, since I know a fair amount of people are reading this thing, I am going to do a survey. I have found that often, people's favorite song ever is pretty uncharacteristic of what they might listen to on a daily basis.
Maybe it means a lot to you because of where you were when you heard it first. Maybe you just think it's awesome. Who knows?

What I want you to do is go into the comments and leave me your favorite song EVER and a short explanation of why. I'd also be interested in learning if it is similar to what you normally like.

I'll start. Bruce Springsteen's Thunder Road.
I was in high school and fitting in pretty much nowhere and everything about that song screams escape. It's all about a guy who ultimately leaves his shitty little town and his shitty little life to be something. I really needed to hear that at the time.
I like rock, but I often lean more towards the indie. Springsteen is not on my list of favorites, yet this song is. Go figure.

OK, now your turn. Please don't let me down.

T minus 10 days...

That's right. The big move is in TEN days. That is like no time.
I have so much to do, it's really freaking me out. And that is on top of moving to a city where I know virtually nobody.

So rather than deal with it, I'm gonna do what I do best.
Talk about "stuff."

"Stuff" is wonderful. "Stuff" can make you happy, move you, excite you. "Stuff" is part of what makes life fun.

And this week, some good records came out. As you all know, records are big "stuff" for me.
This week, the new Pearl Jam and Tool records dropped. The last Tool record, Lateralus, was awesome and this is a typical Tool album. It's got long songs, the songs sort of work in movements like classical music. And there really isn't a bad track on it. It's called 10,000 Days and anyone who likes hard rock, should get it. The packaging is cool too.

And the Pearl Jam is sort of a return to form. The last one, Riot Act, was very good, but Eddie sort of avoided his upper register for a bulk of the album. There was not a lot of "rock" vibe to it and to be honest, it just wasn't one of their best. The new one, which is self-titled, is a return to the rock and the upper register. Cause we really all wanna hear Eddie scream anyway, right?

Another new one is Wolfmother, a new band from Australia. I like this record a lot. At times it sounds like The Mars Volta and at others, Led Zeppelin, The Darkness, and Jack White. It's also self-titled and fairly cheap. I got it for like 7 bucks. It's good old fashioned hard rock the way Zeppelin would do it. And I like it.

Two others I have been listening to, but have not yet dropped are the Dirty Pretty Things and Camera Obscura. DPT is basically the Libertines minus Pete Doherty. The sad bit is that this album and the Babyshambles record make me really wish they would just get back together. Both albums are good, but that first Libertines record, Up the Bracket, is incredible.

Camera Obscura is Scottish indie pop. Sort of like Belle & Sebastian meets the Concretes. It's really easy to listen to and to be honest, is a perfect example of what I like most to listen to these days. I've sort of gotten into the whole european indie pop thing. The first song is my favorite so far, though all I can remember about the title is that it mentions someone called Lloyd.

Now, the thing I am most excited about. With some money we got for Jen's graduation, she bought me something I have been reading about on the internet for a couple weeks. It's called the Buddha machine.

It's a small radio shaped device with a cheap speaker in the front of it and it was created by an electronica group I can't recall the name of at the moment. Basically, you download 9 short (like a matter of seconds) pieces of ambient music and it plays it on a loop. Theoretically, you could turn it on and let it play the same loop for hours. Supposedly it's this very cool, very popular little thing that has the indie music scene buzzing. I think it would be awesome for me to have as I am a naturally high strung person and when a neighbor is blasting bass, which happens often, I really can't do anything. So rather than try to compete with my own music, I can listen to this thing, which comes with a headphone jack, and tune it all out.

It may be awesome and it may be crap, but it was worth 23 bucks to find out.